A Tribute

Welcome back readers.  I apologise for the very long break I've taken from this blog, and warn you that it will continue for at least a couple of months after this posting, but I am trying to decide exactly what I want to do with this space and haven't quite settled yet.  Also, with grad school, my wedding and honeymoon all taking place in the next 4 weeks, I'm kinda preoccupied.

I did however want to post this very special tribute as an additional outlet for me to process some of the stuff I've been going through this past week.  We received word on Friday evening that Jim Long had passed away.  For my family this was unexpected news, we'd known he was struggling with some health issues but had no idea it was life threatening and were completely shocked to receive the phone call.

"Uncle Jim" as I've called him my whole life was one of the most influential people in my life.  He and Aunt Pat were the couple that I have always held all of my relationships up against to measure them by.  They had a beautiful and glowing marriage that will continue to serve as an example to me as I embark on my own marriage in just a few weeks.  I always have told people I want to be old and in love just like them.

Uncle Jim was a scholar, a philosopher, a lover and a pillar of strength in my eyes.  He was a profound minister of the love of Christ and always served as a reminder to me of God's presence in my every day life.  Not many people do that for me these days.  He had a wonderful sense of humour and adored his wife infinitely and unconditionally.  He was wise, and had amazing ways of sharing his life lessons with me without judgment and with respect and love.  He taught me new ways of thinking and always reminded me to consider all angles of an issue, even if I disagree with many of the angles.  He always put a human face on everything, making it much more difficult to be self-righteous and arrogant when discussing and debating issues.

In trying to process my grief at losing him, I haven't been able to determine which I am more heartbroken over, having lost him, or that Aunt Pat has lost him.  The two were inseparable.  They worked together, played together, ministered together... everything together.  I'm sure they fought, I'm sure they bickered and disagreed and got on each others' nerves, but their love was what always shone through no matter what.  When they look at each other (well into their 70s) you saw a love and devotion that most people only dream of.  The deepness and richness of their relationship is unlike anything I have ever witnessed, they were the very definition of soul mates.  The thought of her without him brings tears to my eyes.

I know Uncle Jim would scoff (lovingly) at me sharing any of this, he was an extraordinarily humble man, but I know that if I were to tell him how much it meant to me to share it, and how I needed to do so in order to deal with my own grief he would pat my shoulder and tell me that I need to do what's in my heart.

Thursday I will travel with my family to Toronto to attend his memorial service.  It will be a short and exhausting trip, we're making many sacrifices to go.  Not because it's expected or demanded of us, but because for our own selfish needs we need to be there.  I feel like it's the only way I'll be able to believe he's really gone, and that I won't be seeing him again.  It's the only way I'll be able to express my love and compassion for Aunt Pat.  I've cried a lot since Friday.  I expect that's not going to end anytime soon.  Uncle Jim was a beloved mentor to me, and I feel I have a hole in my heart where he has left this earth.  Over time there will be healing and harmony, but today, this week, there is only sorrow.

Rest in Peace Uncle Jim, I love you so much and am so grateful for the love you have given me in my life.

Photo of the day - A Memorial

Stephanie Curry, 16; Devon Spurlock, 19; Erica Haudek, 15; Jordan Michalak, 16.

I don't know any of these kids, but my heart goes out to their families this morning. All four teens were killed Monday night by a drunk driver who had started her St. Paddy's Day festivities early. This morning's Free Press contained details of the accident, profiles on each of the kids, photos of their mourning parents and classmates... and all I feel is anger and grief. I like to celebrate St. Paddy's too, I wear the green, I'll even have a drink or two, but I value the lives of those around me (and my own) too much to even pretend to impair my own judgment so much that I would get behind the wheel of a car and take other people's lives into my own hands. I am angry with the driver who decided that (even after her friends asked her not to drive home) she should get in her car and turn the keys in the ignition. I am angry that she was so selfish and stupid that she took the lives of 4 kids, and put her own life at risk as well. She has destroyed thousands of families due to a single bad decision. I'm not only angry with her though. I'm angry with her friends who the FREEP claim asked her not to drive herself home. I'm angry that they didn't take her keys away, offer to drive her home, or call her a cab. Most of us have been in situations at some point or another where we have turned a blind eye to a friend getting behind the wheel who we know shouldn't... I've done it myself, I regret to say. I am thankful that my blind eye has not resulted in a nightmare phone call, but you can believe that from now on, I will be keeping both eyes open. It's sad that people treat it as a tired cliche now, but it's true: Friends don't let friends drive drunk.

One thing that has always fascinated me about the Catholic Church is their extreme respect and honoring of the dead. Most of us feel we need to go through the grieving process quickly. We need to go through the various ceremonies, wait a couple of weeks, but then we're expected to move on with our lives. We get the exception of special anniversaries (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc), but for the most part, society doesn't want to deal with it. I respect the fact that the Catholic Church gives an outlet for people to remember and honor the dead, no matter how long they've been gone.

I took today's photo at a cathedral in Mexico City last spring. I was in town for a senior leadership meeting for one of our clients, and a group of us decided to walk the 4-5 blocks down from the hotel to the cathedral. There was a lot of historical stuff wrapped around this particular cathedral, but I'm afraid I don't remember any of it. I was so taken by the beauty of the building that I couldn't focus much on the little plaques with dates and names and facts (normally I love reading those too, but I was just too artsy this time).

I want to dedicate this photo, and each of the candles in it to Stephanie, Jordan, Erica and Devon, and to their friends and families who have been absolutely blindsided this week by an experience that no one should ever have to have.

Please let this entry be a reminder to you all that we are all human, and therefore we all make mistakes. It is however also our duty as humans to look out for one another, and to try our best to help those who are unable to help themselves.