Something that scares you.

Well I'm as good at keeping current on this as any other blog endeavour I start... good thing I didn't expect to actually get to it every single day... but since the blog I stole it from has gotten to this point in her list, it's time for me to keep up with the Jones'... or Browns if you will :o)

I don't even have to think twice about this one.  Death is the number one thing that scares me.  Which is almost odd because I don't consider myself to be a fearful person, nor do I often think things like "better not do that it's dangerous I could die"... in fact, death rarely crosses my mind in any realistic capacity.  I have friends and family that almost died on various occasions and the gravity of their situations never hit me until years later, at the time I was just sure they'd pull through so it wasn't even an issue in my mind.

I'm also a little obsessed with death.  I adore vampire shows, movies, novels... I think ghost stories are fascinating, I am undecided on my stance on the authenticity of mediums and the like because part of me really wants to believe that when we die that isn't necessarily the end.  I was raised Christian which means I "should" believe that we go to heaven when we die, but I don't believe in hell, and I'm not really convinced "heaven" is a physical space we all go hang out in a non corporeal form.  I have no idea, and I don't think any of us will ever know for sure until we actually die.  Maybe that's what's so scary to me.  I do know that when someone I care about dies, they stop being around for me.  And I may be selfish but damn it that upsets me.  I don't like people leaving me, especially not when I have no idea if I will ever see them in any form ever again ever.

I love cemeteries, especially old ones.  I love hearing about people's weird and unexplained experiences where they believe they've been visited from someone who has died.  I myself have had one extremely emotional and very not-like-me experience that convinced me my grandmother was reaching out to me even though she had passed away several years prior.

The weird thing (I think) that scares me about death is that the thought of loved ones dying is as scary to me as the thought of me dying.  Maybe that means I'm really just afraid of being separated from loved ones, but the nurturer in me can't stand the idea of leaving those I love behind to grieve my loss and not being able to comfort them.  Of course if I was around to comfort them they wouldn't be grieving my loss, I know this makes no sense, but that's the thing about fear, it's often more than a touch irrational.

So there you go.  Sarah your move :o)